The Journey of Loss and Hope: Navigating Miscarriages

This month is the right time to share a little about our family. *Trigger Warning* 

Pregnancy is a time filled with anticipation, love, and dreams for the future. But for many of us, that journey isn’t always smooth. I had my first son at 40 years old, much criticized for "my age."  I knew the path to motherhood might come with challenges with age, but I didn’t anticipate the heart-wrenching loss that would come along the way. Miscarriages can be an isolating and painful experience. They leave you grappling with grief, confusion, and a profound sense of emptiness. After a year of enjoying our first born, we knew we wanted to try for a sibling to grow our family. Coming from big families ourselves, it felt natural to pursue having another. 

Losing a baby is a unique kind of heartbreak. It’s mourning the future you imagined—first steps, bedtime stories, whispered "I love you’s"—all the moments that could have been. The physical and emotional toll of miscarriage leaves lasting scars that can feel invisible to the outside world but are deeply felt every day. For those of us who have walked this path, we often find ourselves silently grieving, wondering why, and struggling to find a space where our loss is acknowledged.

October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month—a time dedicated to shining a light on the millions of families who have endured the pain of losing a child. We are honoring this month by donating all proceeds from our Finding Joy collection to organizations that support families navigating the devastation of infant and pregnancy loss. The goal is to provide comfort, resources, and a sense of community to those who feel the weight of loss.

We suffered loss, three times. The first time, I remember it and at the same time blocked it out. My husband couldn't be there for the first ultrasound - still under COVID procedures and limited persons in office. He was on a video chat, and it was silent, for too long. And she (lovingly) said, "I'm so sorry, I'll have the doctor talk to you." The due date, would have been our first son's same due date. The second time, we almost couldn't believe we were pregnant again and it was going to be a Christmas baby. We had purchased a shirt and planned out how we'd surprise everyone with a final gift. But, sadly, it wouldn't hold. 

After the third loss, we had become practically numb to hearing it wasn't going to work out. Not hearing a heartbeat, was gut-wrenching the first time we were pregnant. Approaching 45 was scary and being told to give up was infuriating. I also accepted what was and what would be, knowing we had three angels somewhere protecting us. 

I assure you - nothing about this was political, in these moments, we seek understanding and compassion if nothing else. Read more about our story here.

Pregnancy after loss is complicated. You carry your lost babies with you, even as you continue to hope for the future. It’s a reminder that grief and joy can coexist, and that no matter how painful the journey, we are not alone. You are not alone, we are here for you.